Well, this is it…my final semester of university – I never thought I’d make it through these four years, but here I am, nearing the end of it all. It was a tough ride, being a full-time student, and full-time single mom made things difficult at times, but I had great help from my family – especially my mom who, without her, this would have been impossible! There were times when I wanted to quit, last year more than ever because I had realized the degree I was getting (Criminology) wasn’t what I really wanted anymore, but a bachelor’s degree will still open doors for me, whatever the subject is.
This piece of paper, resulting in a five-figure debt, is giving me the opportunity to have one of my dreams come true. I’ve applied for a program that is only opened to people with a BA, and am now anxiously waiting. They will send the emails sometime in January to let people know if they’ve got an interview mid-February, and though I’m not getting my hopes up because it’s very competitive, but I’m certainly crossing my fingers!
In the meantime, I keep editing my adult paranormal mystery manuscript, everyday feeling like I’m one step closer to my dream of becoming a published author, and yet, at the same time, as though it’s actually becoming an unreachable dream. Days pass, I edit. Weeks pass, I write more, work on my query and synopsis. Months go by, I query, I receive form rejections. Contests come and go, and I get nowhere. Pitches are planned ahead and worked on for weeks prior, but never any faves. I see other writers reaching their dreams of being published, and I feel so happy for them – I’m not kidding about this, I really do feel so excited for them – but sometimes I wonder, when is it going to be me? Is it ever going to be me? Some say “Of course it will! It can take years, but it’ll happen!” – That’s true, but on the other hand, it might not, and in the meantime, as the years do go by, I always wonder if one day I’ll stop feeling motivated to write. Now, a lot of people have told me “As long as you love writing, just keep going!” – and while this is true, I love writing for two reasons. The first is obvious, like most writers, I love to write, I love to tell stories and just let me imagination run wild. There is nothing quite like that feeling, is there? Almost as close as we’ll ever get to flying by ourselves. The second reason though, to me personally, is to be published. Some will say that makes my love of writing shallow, that I’m expecting too much about having a writing career, or even that being published isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – and again, this may be all true, but it doesn’t change that it’s a high motivator for me…so what happens when I truly believe I won’t be published? I guess time will tell.
I taught two classes (English as a second language) at a French elementary school for about two months – it was amazing, to say the least! I’d go teach and then have to take a thirty minute bus ride to get to classes, but it gave me the kind of energy I never thought I’d get, a sort of purpose. Now, I’m not saying my son doesn’t give me purpose – far from it – but career wise, I finally understood how some people love their jobs. I always thought that, apart from writing, I’d never find something that gave me the will to get out from my cozy bed (I’m a sleepaholic), but I was wrong, and here it is!
Every Saturday morning, along with my son, we’d also attend Japanese language classes, and though we won’t be able to continue this semester because I won’t have enough money this time around, I do plan on continuing to teach and learn Japanese with him. We share a love for this culture, and it’s been a blast to take what I’ve learned in two years, learn more, and help him along with it as well.
がんばって! (Do your best!)