On August 24th, I went through what, I imagine, many writers go through: a complete writer meltdown.
It had been brewing for some time, but after finding out the results of a contest I had entered, it became that final drop in a pressure valve waiting to explode…and it did. Writing became a waste of time, and something I had been doing for nothing…nothing to show for it after 23 manuscripts. Books became constant questions of “Why is this published, but not my stories?”, and good news from writers who announced they were finally being represented or had their first book published became news that made me physically sick with the endless question “Why not me?”. It went to the point of crying many nights and avoiding my computer because it only reminded me of my failure not to be published. It became nothing but negativity.
At that point, I knew it was time to stop – forever? At the time, I seriously considered it, but what I did know for sure was that I needed a definite break, or I’d never be able to go back to writing.
Now, a month has passed, and this is the longest I’ve ever gone without writing anything. I’ve done long gaps of non-writing, but it was always because of some external issue like lack of time, writers’ block, etc. This time, I just didn’t want to. It’s September 27th now, and I still haven’t written a single word, nor have a read a book since. How do I feel about this? I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe I still need some time, but for now, I’m getting back to querying and participating in contests with the manuscripts I do have. I’m hoping (though, not depending on it) that this might be what I need to “get back in there“, re-network, inspire myself again, just…get back to it. Writing had always been a big part of my life, and yet, when I stopped, it didn’t feel like anything went missing because writing had already become, by then, a hollow place of disappointment.
I’m hoping this will get me back to writing – I plan on entering Nightmare on Query Street, and participating to #PitDark – time to turn writing into a positive aspect in my life again!
Good luck to everyone writing, and participating in contests – may the odds be ever in your favor.